Mambo No. 5, este, Pembo No. 12

It's official. Vince and I have finally broken up. He's been trying to break up with me for weeks, but I only really gave in around a week ago. I haven't finished writing about what happened. Maybe I will tomorrow, or later. I had been having difficulty writing about it, because obviously before it still kinda hurt too much to have to think about it. But I'm OK now. I will post what happened in my "Reborn" blog.

I had originally planned this "Secrets" blog just to have my posts from my old blog about my previous sexcapades, but now it seems I'll have to start writing about my new sexcapades here too. In fact, this entry is about my first one since Vince and I broke up. Just a quick disclaimer though: I'm not too thrilled that I'm back in the game and that I'm fucking around again. I'd rather be with just one person. I'd rather be with Vince. But what can I do? He doesn't want me anymore, and we're probably not getting back together again.

Anyway, after I had finally accepted that Vince and I were no longer together, I started chatting again. I admit, when Vince and I were still together, there would be times when I would chat if I was completely bored cuz I couldn't leave home for whatever reason. But this time I was chatting again with the intention of actually hooking up with someone, and that was something I hadn't done in almost 2 years.

The first thing I noticed was how difficult it was to hook up. It wasn't like how it was 2 years before when all I had to do was spend 10 minutes in the chatroom before someone was asking me to go to bed with them. This time I messaged practically everyone in the fucking room and no one was interested in me. My market value apparently isn't as high as it used to be. It's probably cuz of the crappy pics in my guys4men account (which I created after Vince and I broke up). Shit. My cam's at the pawnshop. I pawned my cam to help with Vince's meds. So the crappy pics had to do.

In fairness, I was able to have some pretty decent conversations with some guys. A lot people were intrigued by the ad I posted, cuz it included the melodramatic lyrics from Madonna's "Erotica" (Confessions Tour version). The ad was something like this: "You are who you are... And I wouldn't want to change a thing... In spite of all the pain that love can bring... Tell me what can I do... I'm so in love with you...". I was obviously heartbroken, and there were lots of chatters who wanted to console me. Even some of the guys who were just chatting to hook up pm'd me and asked if I was OK. Hehe.

So anyway, finally I found someone who wanted to meet. I actually found 2 people, but the 2nd guy, when I met him, wasn't really my type, but he was nice so we had a pretty long conversation over at his place -- only a conversation though. The 1st guy was the one I actually did it with.

His name was Daniel, and he was from Pembo. Pembo is in Makati, and the areas near it are similarly named -- Rembo, Cembo, Comembo. All that's missing is Rico Mambo and Mambo No. 5. I had been to Pembo years before to meet another guy, but that hook-up didn't push through, cuz when I met him the guy wasn't my type. Thankfully Daniel was my type, or at least he was at first.

Daniel was taller than me, his body seemed OK, not really built but no tummy, and his looks were average and passable. He said he lived with someone else, but the person he was living with wouldn't be back until early in the morning (it was around 10pm when we met). We went into his house, watched porn for a bit, and after a few silent, sexual tension-filled moments, we got down to it.

The sex was bad. Maybe not the worse sex I've had, but the most frustrating. He had problems keeping it up. Granted, I probably wasn't his type, and so maybe that's why he wasn't getting aroused, he didn't have to seem so pissed off all the time. He was pissed that he could get his cock in my ass. He was pissed cuz I was too tight. Hello! Most guys would kill for a tight ass! And please, it's not like he was that big. Even if I hadn't been fucked in over a year, I could easily have taken him in. He just didn't want to admit that he wasn't that good.

We spent most of our time with me sucking on his cock trying to get him hard while he was texting. Crap. Every now and then he'd be barking at me giving me tips on how to get loose. In my mind I was like oh please shut the fuck up you're the top and if you can't get in cuz you're too small and too soft then screw you I'm outta here you're not as great as you think you are. In reality I didn't argue and just lay there and let him rant cuz all I wanted to do was get laid and with all that was going on in my life I didn't need any more negative karma.

Eventually he managed to get it in and spent like less than a minute pumping me before he came. After he came he shook his head like he was disappointed. Fuck. To be fair, I wasn't too thrilled either. But it was done. My first SEB since Vince and I broke up. The 12th guy I had sex with. We ended trying to be nice to each other, but obviously we'd never hear from each other again.

So there you have it. It wasn't great, but it was still a step towards recovery, so I'm still thankful. Dunno when my next hook up will be. I still hang out in the chatrooms, and I know that I'm just looking to hook up to distract myself from my issues with Vince. Still, now that I'm single, I want to enjoy every minute of being free. And if that means random meetings with strangers, then so be it. As long as I stay safe, then I think I'll be fine.