2004 Rewind

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Raped by Gollum

Christmas in Lucena was quiet. I ate, I slept, ate, and slept some more. My family spent most of Christmas spending my hard earned money. I finally got to watch The Godfather, and it wasn't as great as I expected it to be. I saw Panaghoy Sa Suba, a film shot entirely in Cebuano, and although the concept was great, the film was ultimately not what I expected it to be either.

I wrote a recap of all the men I slept with in 2004 in the PDA journal. I will write something similar here in my online journal, but maybe next week, or tomorrow even. Not now, because I'm still not in a retrospective mood. What I will write about though is something weird that happened to me the other night, and I'm not sure if it was a dream or if was something that really happened. In my dream I was lucid. I was in my room and it looked exactly the same as my room, and I was lying down on the matress in the exact same position as I was when I fell asleep. Although I could see the room around me, I couldn't move my body. I thought it was just another out-of-body experience, but it was different because I had the distinct feeling that something was holding my right arm down above my head and my left hand below my waist. In a few seconds I could feel something on top of me. When I looked down, gradually a small black sprite around half my size appeared, and soon it was pumping in between my thighs. For some reason I wasn't afraid of it. I still couldn't move, but in my head I shouted "I'm... not... a... girl!"; and the sprite suddenly stopped. When I woke up, my body was in the same position as in my dream, and the room looked exactly the same except I was now wide awake.

I guess it was just a dream, but I'm reluctant to just simply dismiss it as such, because of the fact that I woke up in the same position that I was in in my dream, and because I heard the deep buzzing sound that I always hear when I have out-of-body experiences. But whatever. I'm more amused than terrified at the experience. For one, the sprite stopped fucking me when I screamed that I wasn't a girl, and secondly he looked a lot like Gollum. But whatever. Maybe it's just an indiction that I really need to get laid again.

Goodbye 2004

I have not been able to write in this journal as much as I would have liked to. There are really no excuses as I have not been that busy at work and I have not been going out much. I guess I've just gotten too addicted to PinoyExchange. Or maybe it's because I still haven't gotten laid. My regular life isn't as exciting to write about as compared to my sex life (hehe). My celibacy is half by choice. Since the threesome and since I last had sex with Rolly I haven't been as horny as I used to be for some reason. I guess it's because I don't go to the gym anymore. Maybe when I start going to the gym again next year my libido will go up. I do hope to get laid before the year ends, but if I don't it won't be the end of the world.

I'm thinking that I should write a recap of 2004 here before I go home to Lucena later but I'm too tired to and I haven't had anytime to really reflect on what's happened to me this past year. I will just write my recap when I get back to Manila in January. Hopefully by then I will no longer be celibate.

Enjoy Christmas folks. Have a Happy New Year. Be merry and get fucked.

Love,
Josie

Celibate since Cebu

I was amazed by these pics I saw online. They are pics of Manila back in 1973. Amazing. I always get nostalgic whenever I think about how Manila was like in the 70s. For some reason I have this affiliation with all things from the 70s, and especially all things that have to do with Manila in the 70s -- old Filipino movies, songs, pictures. Even recent stuff that is 70s-inspired appeals to me, like the stuff on True Faith's live album "MYX: Halo-Halo". My theory is that before I was born I was a spirit wandering around the world, and the place I liked most was Manila. I was born in 1981, so I guess if I really was a wandering spirit I would have been wandering around in the 70s. The problem with me getting nostalgic is that I always inevitably end up becoming sad, for some reason -- probably because when I get sentimental I think about Rolly and the love that was not meant to be and shit like that, so...

It's Jhona's birthday today. Last weekend Juris and I went to The Fort, where Jhona's restaurant is located, and we helped her celebrate in advance. We had a blast, even though Marie couldn't join us because she was in Pampanga. It had been a while since we saw each other. In fact, it had been so long since we last saw each other that I actually still had the Christmas present I was supposed to give Jhona in 2003. I finally managed to give it to her last week. As usual we talked about our men, the business we're planning to put up, and about our journal. Marie had the PDA journal though, so we couldn't write anything in it. It's been a while since I wote in that. We're already writing in our 3rd volume, and we all agree that this volume is our most tame. The first volume was full of cuss words and you could smell our sexual frustration coming out of that thing. Juris wants to publish it. The first journal had so much weird stuff in it, like when we listed down all the men who had been in our lives, or when Marie and I priced our virginity (we calculated the amount by adding up how much we or the men we almost lost it to paid in terms of the transpo, the venue, the food, etc.). Then there's the part when Jhona didn't want to be part of the PDA anymore so she glued up her parts of the journal, after which we tried restoring the glued pages. I guess it would be fun to publish the journal, although we really have to change the names of the people who we wrote about.

Last week was thankfully not as hectic as the weeks before, and I finally managed to recover all the sleep I had lost over the last few months. I have had a cold and I've been coughing, so I have had no choice but to give my slutty lifestyle a rest. I don't mind all that much though, cuz my libido isn't as high as it used to be. However, as soon as I recover from my illness I will find a new man. Mark probably already has someone new, and none of my other men have texted me recently either. Hay... Back to zero.

For Steve

Today I found an interesting post in my tag board. My reply did not fit in the tag board message section, so I'm a posting it here.

"Hmmm... There are many opinions about how gay people should earn respect. There are people who think that in order to gain respect, gay people must be either celibate, or if they have sex they shouldn't talk about it because unfortunately some people can't take the fact that yes men do have sex with other men too. Then there are other people who believe that if you live your life the way you want to live, and if you're living your own personal truth despite what other people may say or think, then you deserve respect. To each his own. Think what you want to think. I put this website up because I want my closest friends to know what's going on in my life. I want them to know what I'm thinking because I'm tired of shutting up. I am happy with everything that's here. I am proud of my honesty, and really couldn't give a shit what other people think. As far as I'm concerned, if you don't like what you see, then you can fuck off and go read some other blog. This blog was not created for you."

And that is all I have to say on the subject. Peace.

Foot and Mouth Disease

I have not been managing to write as many entries as I would like to have written. I guess that's OK though, considering how long my entries have been so far. My new class has been going well. I like the way I have handled this class. I'm almost as good as I was with the last class I handled before temporarily moving to PDT. My new trainees are also very nice to me, although some of them are a bit slow to pick up on some of the concepts. But's that OK.

I visited Dr. Joy, my customer service-oriented dentist, last Sunday. My gums had starting bleeding and hurting again. She was as nice as ever, and as usual she scolded me for not flossing regularly. Still, she noted that my gums had improved somewhat since the last time she saw them. Yehey. She just cleaned my teeth to get rid of some of the stuff that was making my gums bleed, and she assured me that bleeding was normal given that my gingivitis had not yet completely healed. All I had to do was to continue with my dental regimen (including flossing) and I would be fine in a few weeks. Great.

My Mom on the other hand has a cyst in her foot. It's nothing major, but sometimes she finds it a bit difficult to walk. She didn't want to tell me about it at first because she thought that I wouldn't have enough money to pay for the operation she needs to get rid of the cyst. Although that's actually true at the moment, I will get my 13th month pay in a few weeks. I will use the money to pay for my Mom's operation. She's very nervous about anything that has to do with her health, and I will do anything to help ease her mind. Of course it does mean that Christmas will be a bit tight this year, especially since I have to start paying for the house we're renting in Pasig now that my aunt's retired, but that's OK. I just need to budget the money that I have well. It will all work out, I'm sure.

The end of the affair...

I'm back in Manila. I guess I was in Cebu for too long, because I soon as I arrived I was immediately irritated by the traffic, the smog, and the heat. I'm already handling a new class. So far they have been nice to me.

Rolly left Cebu for Manila earlier than I did. He left Saturday afternoon. He needed to leave early because he needed to prepare stuff for his nephew's baptism. I was supposed to be at the baptism with him because they made me one of the godparents, but I wanted to stay in Cebu to meet Elaine and Romi. I wasn't too thrilled about Rolly leaving for Manila last Saturday because apart from him having to prepare for the baptism, he was also going to meet Richard, one of his ex's. Although he didn't explicitly say so, I kinda had that feeling that they were going to sleep with each other. I didn't like the feeling.

OK fine. Yes, Rolly and I did have sex while he was in Cebu. We weren't planning to though. In fact, we had agreed beforehand that we wouldn't. He was paranoid about me falling in love with him again, and I was paranoid about him getting paranoid about me falling in love with him again. But considering that we were sleeping in the same bed, and considering how touchy-feely we both are, I guess it was inevitable.

Tuesday afternoon was the first time we did it. We were just lying in bed, half asleep, and we had our arms wrapped around each other. It was all innocent at first, and we were honestly just cuddling in the cool bed. Gradually though we wrapped otherselves deeper and deeper into each other, and we started rubbing up against each other. Even though the air conditioning was on, the room seemed really hot, so I took my shirt off. That's when he started pumping his cock against my chest, and that's when I decided that ok it looks like he wants to fuck. I took the covers off of us, pulled his shorts down and gave him a blowjob for the first time since last year. He wasn't as huge as I remembered him to be, but he was still pretty big.

When he came though it was like he was struck by lightning. All of a sudden a big wave of regret rushed over him, and he started apologizing. Oh God, Josef, sorry, he said. He went on -- shit, I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged my face so tightly into his chest that I was like wait let go of me first I can't breathe. Sorry, Josef, sorry he pleaded. When he finally let go I tried to reassure him that hey it was nothing we're still friends. He was like I knew I shouldn't have come to Cebu because I knew it was inevitable this would happen and I'm worried about you falling in love with me again I should go back to Manila right now. To which I replied I'm not going to fall in love with you again don't worry because I know that it's better if we stay friends. That didn't seem to work though because he left the bed and curled into a ball somewhere on the floor. Are you OK I asked. No I'm not he said.

So after the first time we did it I was kinda scared shit that we might lose this great friendship that we had worked so hard to repair and build since he came back from Japan. I knew that sex would totally complicate everything, and in the back of my mind I knew that we shouldn't have done what we did because we were both paranoid about what would happen to us after. Of course, it turns out that I didn't have anything to be worried about, because I blew him another couple of times after. Hehe. He complimented me and said I was definitely a whole lot better at sucking cock now than I was last year. I guess I have to thank Carlo a lot for that -- although I will write more about him another time. In the end we dropped any hang-ups we had had about what would happen to us after Cebu, and that helped us enjoy what we were doing. We were just simply having sex as any close friends would -- not that many close friends have sex.

On the day that he left, I was really sad. It dawned on me that as soon as he got back to Manila, all that had happened in Cebu would probably not happen again. I didn't have my own place, and neither did he. The chances of him wanting to check in to a motel with me again seemed slim. We wouldn't be as intimate in Manila as we had been in Cebu. We would simply go back to the platonic friendship we had before the Cebu trip. Even though it was a strong friendship, and even though I would rather have that friendship then nothing at all, I still got teary because I liked sharing very intimate moments with him. The thought that we wouldn't be able to share those intimate moments again was a bit painful.

The day of his flight back home, I tried very hard not to cry in the taxi on the way to the airport. Whenever he would leave for Japan I would always cry like I was some OFW's wife who got left behind. Although he was just leaving for Manila, and although we would see each other a couple of days later, I was sad because not only was he leaving me behind, but he was also leaving behind the best time we had ever had with each other, and our times in Manila probably wouldn't be as good as they were in Cebu. I didn't want him to see me crying because I didn't want him to think I had fallen in love with him again, even though the truth was that I had never really fallen out of love with him. I only cried after we had said goodbye at the terminal gate, after he had checked in his luggage at the counter, and after he had made his way to the departure gate.

In the taxi going back to Sophia Suites, I couldn't really cry because the taxi driver was going on about how the biggest shabu bust happened in Cebu a month ago, and because one of the tires bust and I was sweating like a pig in the back of the taxi while the driver was changing the fucked up tire. When I was finally in my room, Rolly texted that he had just arrived home. What was I still doing up he asked. I just couldn't sleep I said. Hmm you're being sentimental again he replied, and that's when I cried. At least he's not numb and oblivious. He said that he missed me already, and that we would see each other soon. That was consolation enough I guess.

For a few days after, I was still kinda melancholy. All of a sudden memories of how I felt last July when Rolly first told me that he had someone else came rushing back. I remembered how devastated I was when I found out, how badly I sobbed while I was walking on the day I realized that he didn't love me as much as I loved him, how many days I went without proper sleep. I remembered that the main reason I've been sleeping around is that it helps me forget that he's having sex with other people too. Granted, sleeping around also helps me see that I am wanted by other men. All the same, I can't really deny that somehow I still think that Rolly and I still have a chance at more than what we have. Other men only help me to forget that temporarily.

Hay... I don't think I can have sex with another man for a while. I still have a lot of issues with Rolly that I need to deal with. I will just have sex again once I've resolved those issues. Of course I say that now. In a few days when I'm completely horny again I'm probably going to end up meeting one of my possible fuckers for a quickie. But that's OK. Whatever happens, happens.

Possible Fuckers

I just noticed that so far pretty much most of my entries have been long. This entry will be my shortest so far, because all I will write about are the men who I will potentially have sex with when I get back to Manila in a few days.

Mark: We will definitely fuck sometime when I get back to Manila, but probably not within the next two weeks because I will be working graveyard and his place is only free from 11pm to around 4am.

Ken from Pasay: Out of all the men I haven't met yet, Ken is probably the one I am most likely to meet next. We've been chatting sproadically for some time now, although in the past few days we've been chatting more often, and he even called me his baby yesterday. Our chats are usually PG-13, although yesterday he did mention that he was looking for someone to have sex with and that he was a versatile top. Hmm... We will probably meet and have a drink somewhere sometime soon -- maybe next weekend.

Gio: Although he's an asshole because he hasn't texted me in weeks, I would still be open to going to his place, spreading my legs wide open, and letting him fuck me so bad that I won't be able to stand up or walk properly for a week. Anything for my sexual soulmate.

Bob: We've been talking about having sex for a while now, but we've never gotten around to it because although he works in Ortigas, he lives in Bulacan. He looked cute in the picture he sent to me, and he said that he was a top, so I'm willing to wait for him to get round to meeting me.

Jasper, Ryan, Angelo and all my other chat- and text-mates: I will fuck whoever is the first to say that they want to meet me.

That's it for this entry.

Tarzan: Swingers Galore

Rolly arrived in Cebu last Sunday. I invited him to stay here for a bit because whenever I talked about going here to Cebu he would get more excited about the trip then I would. He wasn't too happy though about me paying for the ticket, because he doesn't like people spending on him. My thing though was that the money I would spend would just be the money I would get for my allowance, which was more than enough for me to both buy his ticket and save some money. So after much convincing on my part that he could just consider the ticket as my Christmas gift to him, and after much debate about when he should fly here and when he should leave, I finally bought his plane ticket to Cebu last Friday.

I picked him up at the Mactan airport on Sunday evening and didn't know what to expect because he said that his hair looked different. When he arrived his hair was all spikey and gelled-up, and he looked much younger than when he had longer hair. Shorter hair suits him. We spent the ride to Sophia Suites talking about how Cebu really looked like the quieter parts of Manila, how everything seemed near everywhere else, and how and what he had been doing while I was here in Cebu. His Korean friend, Jae, was in Manila last week, and as usually they spent most of their time visiting practically every bar and club in Manila, picking up girls that Jae would bring back to the hotel to make out with (if not fuck), stuff like that. He also went to an overnight swimming party that the salsalan channel on mirc had organized the week before. He didn't mention if he had slept with anyone while he was there, although I'm sure he did. I didn't really want to ask though because it had been 3 weeks since I last had sex, and I don't like hearing about people having better sex lives than I do. I don't tell him about all my adventures either -- just the ones he asks about -- so I guess it's just fair that he gets to keep stuff like that to himself too.

When we arrived at Sophia Suites we left his stuff at the master's bedroom which Margaux kindly let me have. I wanted to get that room so that Rolly and I would have our own tv set and bath tub and he wouldn't feel shy about having to share them with other people. Then we bought groceries. I had been telling Che and Dexter that we wouldn't have to worry about food when Rolly's here because he knows how to cook, so we were all excited about that. We wanted to go out that night as well, although we weren't really sure where we wanted to go. We eventually decided to go to a gay strip club in Lapu-Lapu city that our friend promised would be a lot better than Navigator. So we slept for a bit before making our way to Dexter's hotel room. He asked us to meet him there because he was a bit groggy from having overslept. Although I usually don't give a shit about what people think about what I write here, I won't describe what we saw when we got there, because not only is Dexter my good friend, but he will kill me and never forgive me if I write about what I saw. Not that there was anything I saw that his boyfriend should have to worry about. Hehe.

Anyway, we made our way to the gay strip club in Lapu-Lapu, and the bar was called Tarzan. Che, Dex, Rolly, and I went. We took Che to Navigator the week before and she was disappointed that no one stripped naked, so we all hoped that this time around for Che's sake that she would finally get to see what it really is like inside a gay strip club. I was a bit suspicious of the place when we got there because the security guard outside spent like 10 minutes knocking on the door before the people inside finally let us in, but when we finally did get inside we weren't disappointed.

As soon as we got in we immediately noticed that the strippers were taller and had nicer bodies than the ones at Navigator, but they weren't really as cute -- not that I really care for cute faces. Even the design of the place was nice because there were couches, the stage was in the center of the room close to all the seats, and true to the name of the place in the middle of the stage was a tree trunk. The tree trunk had showers around it. It wasn't long before the strippers took their shorts off, turned on the showers and started lathering themselves. It was definitely a whole lot better than Navigator, and I have to agree with Rolly that it was even better than some of the gay bars in Manila.

Some of the highlights of our stay at Tarzan include the strippers letting us feel them up without asking us to give them tips (how cheap of them), me getting to lick the crotch of the cutest stripper (how cheap of me), and Dexter paying one of the strippers to sit at our table and chat with us (no comment -- haha). Well, Dexter didn't exactly pay the guy, but in a strip club when a stripper sits next to you, starts chatting you up, and asks you to buy him a drink, it's called tabling. It's almost like paying them because the stripper gets a commission for the drink, but not quite because you don't pay the guy directly. The guy was kinda cute and had a nice body. I didn't notice Dexter feeling him up or anything like that, and I'm not sure if they talked about anything green, so I guess it was all pretty much PG-13.

During the lights-out portion of the show, one of the strippers walked up to Che and asked her to feel him up. Che, pretending to be demure (hehe), refused, which of course challenged the guy to actually sit on her and give her a sort of lap dance. She seemed a bit irritated cuz not only did she not want that to happen, but Rolly was screaming at her to feel the guy up. She just laughed it all off though after it was over. As for me licking the crotch of the cutest stripper, they put the 3 cutest strippers on stage and asked for volunteers to give the strippers a body shot. The four of us drew toothpicks and whoever got the longest toothpick had to go give one of the strippers a body shot. Needless to say, I got the longest toothpick, and I was the first volunteer to get on the stage. You could choose which part of the stripper's body you wanted to lick, and I would have chosen to lick his cock if I wasn't worried about them asking me to pay extra for that. So I chose the next best thing and licked his crotch area. It was over in a few seconds, and considering that it had been so long since the last time I had sex, I didn't find the licking part completely satisfying. But still, I'm kinda happy that I sorta got to be an exhibitionist for a bit because I've sometimes thought that it might be fun to have other people watch me have sex -- not that me and the stripper had sex on stage. I just mean that I probably wouldn't be bothered if someone wanted to watch me get fucked. Come to think of it, Mark watched me get fucked by JM-the-asshole, so I guess I have already been an exhibitionist at one point in my life.

After Tarzan, the four of us went to a casino, and it was the first time Che, Rolly and I had been in one. We didn't want to go play on tables, because we knew we'd just lose all of our money too quickly. Instead we went on the slot machines, and to the cheap 2 and 5 peso ones. It took us a while to understand how the slot machines worked, and we ended up overbetting and losing money the first few times we tried the machines out. Eventually we got the hang of the machines and in 10 minutes I recovered all the money I had lost in 2 hours. Dexter was the only one who made any money -- he made 1000 pesos. I can understand how people can get addicted to the machines. Every now and then I'm tempted to go back to the casino and splurge again, but thankfully I have enough self-control to actually stop myself.

We got out of the casino at around 6am and we were all still wide awake so we decided to go on a city tour. We visited the Cathedral, the Sto Nino Basilica, and Magellan's cross. I love visiting churches and cathedrals. I love looking at all the artwork, and even though I'm not Christian, I feel a sense of calm and spirituality whenever I'm inside churches. We took lots of pictures but only with Dexter's phone cam. I really need to get a digicam soon. After our church-tripping, we went to Carbon, which is like a smaller version of Divisoria that's almost but not quite as dirty. We didn't find anything interesting to buy, and it was fucking hot and humid while we were walking around so we just ended up going home.

Rolly has been cooking food for us. He's really sweet, because he cooks both breakfast and dinner, and we always love what he prepares. We've also eaten out a few times, gone shopping, played bingo. Rolly also sometimes goes out at night whenever Che, Dex and I have work. He went to a few bars and I think one time he went back to the casino again. He's enjoying being able to rest but I think he's a bit bored already. And that's pretty much all that has happened since Rolly arrived in Cebu. Sort of. Hehe.

Cebu-imposed Celibacy

I am currently in Cebu and I am currently celibate. I'm kinda busy with my classes, which is why I haven't had the chance to finish my last entry -- even though I started writing it over 2 weeks ago. I will finish writing it within the next week.

Cebu is nice. Not much has changed since the last time I was here. It's still pretty quiet, PeopleSupport Cebu looks the same, and I still can't seem to get laid with any of the locals. Not that I am actively looking for someone here. Half of me wants to give the slutty lifestyle a rest, and the other half misses getting fucked. My gums are still bleeding a bit, so I'm still kinda scared of catching something. Dex said that it'll probably be safe as long as I don't let guys cum in my mouth, but I'm terrible at telling whether a guy's going to cum or not. Maybe I should just stick to buttfucking. We'll see. In any case I guess I'm OK with not having sex here in Cebu and just waiting until I get back to Manila, cuz I still don't feel sex-deprived. But then again it'll be 2 weeks until I get back to Manila, and my body's beginning to feel restless again. Maybe I should have sex with a virgin, if I can find one. In fact, there's this one guy here from Cebu who I had text-sex with, and he said that he's never done it with a guy before. He also said that he was 22, so I kinda don't believe that he hasn't done it before. Oh well. Whatever. Along as he's cute.

Me and Dex went to Navigator, a gay strip club, last Saturday. We didn't know that it would be a strip club because we though that it would just be a night club where they place house/techno/electronica like Bed. But anyway. It took us a while to find the place, because we got the lousiest directions from the people who had been there before. The taxi drivers had no idea how to find the place either. When we finally found the bar, it was funny because the signboard read "Navigator: gay bar". It was the first time I saw a place actually announcing that it was a gay bar. As with all things in Cebu, it wasn't an expensive place, and the guys weren't exactly top-notch quality -- nothing like the gay bars in Manila. Some of the strippers had beer bellies, for Christ's sake. Mostly they were cute though, and one guy I really liked a lot cuz he had the kind of body you'd want pumping inside you at 150 km/hr -- damned huge and hard. Hehe. I even remember his name -- Dreamboy Kenneth Manzano.

The strippers really didn't strip naked though, and it seemed like most of them were just modelling. We were pretty much disappointed. One guy was bizaare though, because he wrapped his hardon with tissue and lit the end of the tissue with a lighter. Just as the flame was about to reach his cock, he pulled the tissue off and threw it to the audience. There was another number where their host -- whom they called their Singing "Sweat-heart" (that's how they pronounced it) -- was singing some cheesy love song while one of the strippers pretended to fuck her on stage. It was hilarious because he kept on pumping her to the point where she almost fell off the stage, and she was laughing so hard she couldn't sing anymore. In short, the place was more like a comedy bar than a gay bar.

We left the place at around 2am, and outside there was this guy who called a cab for us. We thought he was just one of the club's attendants, so when he started talking to us in Cebuano after we got into the cab we thought he just wanted a tip. We gave him like 10 pesos (Dex and I were feeling really stingy last weekend). But then in Filipino, and with a really cute smile, he asked us if he could go with us. His name was Dave, and he was really cute. Dex and I didn't say anything, but we couldn't stop smiling. We were hesitant to say yes, because we kinda figured that Dave was a prostitute. I think we ended up saying that he couldn't come with us, because the guy said OK but take my number down so you can call me anytime. Dex took the number down, and I copied it after. Haha. Oh well. But I don't think we'll see Dave again, or I least I won't. While I'm in my 20's, I don't want to have to pay for sex. Not even in my early 30's I guess. There are just too many horny men in the world for me to have to pay for sex.

So that's it for last weekend. We're planning to go to the beach next weekend. I hope it pushes through, because I would feel so bad if I didn't get to go to at least one beach while I'm here. I hope Rolly flies over here too like we've been planning. He will be leaving for Japan sometime early next year, and considering that I will be back here in Cebu for another 3 weeks or so in December, it doesn't leave us much time to be with each other. I no longer hope that we'll get back together again as a couple, but all the same I like having him around, and I know that he feels the same way about me too. One day when I have the time I will write our story here in this blog.

Undressed

I'm in the office at the moment. I haven't had much sleep for the past few days and I'm not really sure why. Because I'm so sleep-deprived, I've had a few embarrassing moments in class. There was this one time where I swear I was discussing something, and for a split second I fell sleep while I was standing. I woke up because I heard myself saying that there was a fish on our corporate website, and I actually had a trainee who looked for the fish. Oh well.

I met Mark yesterday afternoon. He asked me to print out some pictures for his scrap book, and I had already printed them so I was going to give them to him. Although I had planned to give him the pictures just before I went to work in the evening, I ended up going to his office late in the afternoon because I idiotically left my keys at home and couldn't get into my house. Rather than loiter around in the fucking heat outside our gate, I decided to meet Mark. When I finally saw him, I realized that although it had been almost a month since I first met him, yesterday was the first time I ever saw Mark wear more than just underwear. You see, whenever I'd go over to his place to have sex, he'd always be ready to go. Strange.

The first time I had sex with Mark was around 3 weeks ago, the same day I met and had sex with RJ. Sex with RJ wasn't all that great, because he wasn't that good, and I swear to God his cum was so fucking bitter and sour that I almost vomitted. None of my other men ever had cum that tasted that bad. And RJ was being a total retarded asshole about it too cuz he wouldn't let me wash my mouth, saying I deserved the taste because I let him cum in my mouth. So anyway, since sex with RJ wasn't all that great, and since I wanted to forget his bitter and sour-tasting cum as soon as I possibly could, as soon as I arrived home I went online and looked for another sex-eb. I felt a bit guilty because for some reason RJ was also online at that time, so he saw me looking for someone else to fuck. But anyway, I didn't care, cuz I still thought he was an asshole.

That's when I found Mark, who said he had a place in Magallanes. He didn't send me his pic, and although I don't usually meet people if they don't give their pic first, I was so desperate to forget about RJ that I met Mark anyway. When I first saw Mark he didn't exactly seem like my type. He was around my height, really thin, and dark. I like my men to be a bit taller and chunkier. When he took me to his room he brought me to what looked like the maid quarters, so I thought shit I'm having sex with the help, although he really wasn't just the help. As I was sitting on his bed I seriously thought about telling him hey, sorry you're not really my type, but thanks anyway. But then he dropped his pants and my God, for someone with his body frame, he had a really huge cock. It felt weird to have this big cock inside you while you had your arms around a small body, but I didn't mind it much. Plus he seemed to fit inside me perfectly, so we got along fine.

We've had sex a few times since. What I like about Mark is that he's always been very nice to me. On the first day we met he put my clothes on a hanger before we fucked, and that was a sweet gesture considering that none of my other men have done that for me. He also showed me the scrap books he made of his travels (he's been all over the place -- literally and metaphorically). One time I even helped him finish one of the pages for his newest scrapbook. That I liked because I rarely get to see the non-sexual side of the men I meet. On the other hand, what I don't like is how after a month of knowing him he still doesn't want me to know what his real name is. I'm also not entirely enthusiastic about how obsessed over threesomes he is.

I've had other men ask me to do weird things -- like piss on them, shave my pubic hair, etc. -- but I didn't give in to any of their fetishes. I probably never will give in to festishes like those either, unless the fetish was something I had also been fantasizing over. Which is why I agreed to be in a threesome with Mark. I've always been fascinated by the idea of having two men going at me at the same time -- one in my mouth, the other up my behind -- but I never really had a realistic chance to be in a threesome until I met Mark. At first I thought the reason why he wanted to be in a threesome was because he wanted two guys working on him at the same time, but apparently what he really wanted was to watch other people have sex. In short, he's a voyeur. I wasn't too comfortable with the idea of being in a threesome at first, but I guess knowing that I would more or less be safe with Mark, and that we would do it at his place, kinda eased me into the idea.

Mark finally found someone who was willing to be in a threesome with us last week. I wasn't completely in the mood to do it because Mark woke me up at like 2 in the morning right in the middle of my sleep, but I decided what the hell. I might as well do it now to get the whole threesome-virginity thing over and done with. Plus Mark said that the guy was cute, so I wanted to see if the guy really was cute. When I got Mark's place, the guy wasn't cute at all. Not only that, but he was a complete big-headed faggot -- and I'm not talking big-headed down there. Half of the time he was pretending not to be in the mood and he kept going on and on about how he probably wouldn't get an erection. That totally turned and pissed me off. But Mark had waited for so long to see someone else fuck me that he was adamant that me and this guy have sex.

Although I didn't like JM (the asshole Mark and I had a threesome with), I decided what the hell I'll have sex with him anyway. I knew that was what Mark really wanted, and Mark had always been nice to me, so whatever. So Mark switched off the lights, JM (being the hypocrite that he was) pretended to protest for a bit, and shut up once I had my mouth on him. The rest isn't exciting enough to write about, but one point I did have my threesome fantasy fulfilled -- Mark was up my mouth, while JM was up my ass. We even did the whole porno fuck-train thing where JM was fucking my ass while Mark was fucking his. But that was about it. We all got bored of each other and ended up jacking off separately.

You'd think he'd shut up after our feeble attempt at a threesome, but JM just couldn't stop. He went on and on about how his family owned a commercial building in Ortigas, and how we wouldn't be able to contact him for 3 weeks because he'd be in Europe. As if we'd want to call him again. I thought Mark liked him, but apparently he thought JM was an asshole too.

Oh well. The threesome fantasy didn't quite work out. But that's OK. I hope it'll work out better next time. If I could just get Gio and Mark in the same room together...

Dirty Mouth

If there's such a thing as a sexual hypochondriac, I am that person. These days, if there's anything wrong with my body or if I'm not feeling well, I'm prone to think it's because I've caught something from one of my sex partners. So when my gums started bleeding around a week ago, I panicked a bit. It's not like they were bleeding constantly, but whenever I brushed my teeth, blood would be in the spit. I was a bit nervous because I vaguely remembered that there was an STD that caused your mouth to bleed, and also because I knew that you're more prone to catching STDs if your mouth is bleeding or if the lining of your mouth is thin. So I knew I needed to get myself checked really soon.

I was in Lucena over the weekend because it was Lisa's birthday. The party was OK, even though we were practically the only people there. They invited all the guests at the last minute, so no one was available except for a few neighbours. But anyway, while we were shopping for stuff for Lisa and her party, I went to one of the dentists at the mall. My Mom was having a fit because the attendant at the clinic got our appointment mixed up, and we ended up having to wait over an hour before I finally got to see a dentist. It was worth the wait though. The dentist, Dr. Joy, was very customer service-oriented -- complete with apology statements, empathy, in-depth explanations and upsell attempts. She explained that the reason my gums were bleeding was because a tartar build-up on one of my teeth had caused GINGIVITIS (shit, how embarrassing), but it was OK because the condition was completely reversible. It was just one tooth anyway, but gross all the same. Then she went about cleaning my teeth. Part of the prophylaxis was surreal because she had me hold up a mirror to my mouth so I could see her lift the gum off of my tooth while she scraped the plaque off the enamel -- all this while I was bleeding profusely. The weirdest part was that none of this hurt, no matter how badly it looked like she was torturing me.

At the end of all this she contorted my mouth into several positions while she took pictures of my teeth. Apparently all her patients had pictures of their mouths for their files so she could show them how much or how little their teeth had improved over time. She ended by giving a strict dental regimen to follow, complete with expensive medication and tongue scrapers. I think it was all worth my money though. At least I know that I don't have an STD. Unless giving too many blowjobs can cause gingivitis.

Itchy Butt

My butthole is so itchy. I don't know whether I should laugh it off cuz I'm probably just oversexed or if I should get nervous because I might have caught something. I managed to lure 2 men from the bi-manila chatroom into having sex with me, but not today. We just set tentative dates for next week. Both of them are cute, and one of them lives near my house. The other one has been rejecting me for a while now, but looks like he finally caved in. Wala na sigurong mahanap na iba. Haha!

I hope Gio calls me again. I swear, that guy's my sexual soulmate. We first started chatting around a month ago. Although we kept on planning when we would meet, we never actually got around to meeting because we either had work or we were seeing other people at the time. Then around a week and a half ago at around 3am, just after I left Mark (whom I will write about sometime soon), Gio texted me and asked if I could meet him. Although I was exhausted from the sex with Mark, I still wanted to meet Gio. From the online pics he showed me of himself he looked cute and looked like he had a really nice body, and I didn't want to say no to him cuz he might not want to meet with me again. So I said yes, I will meet you, but give me an hour to get home and shower first before I go to your place. He agreed, I went home, showered, and made my way to his place. I got lost a bit because I wasn't familiar with his area, but I when I saw him I recognized him because he looked like his pic -- cute. His hair was just a bit longer. We chatted a bit on the way to his place, and it wasn't awkward or anything like that. When we got to his place we managed to get to his bed without any of the dogs barking, which was amazing to me. While we were on his bed I got the condoms and the lube ready. He thought the lube was toothpaste. And then we stripped. Shit. His body was fine. And once we started we just couldn't stop. Pure fucking heaven. The best sex of my life, including the first few times that me and Rolly did it. I dunno if he felt the same way, but it was like our bodies really fit each other, and the sex was just smooth. It was wild too because I was grabbing his hair, pulling his body closer to and harder into me, screaming his name and hyperventilating, and he seemed to like it cuz he just kept pumping harder and harder. After he came he stayed inside me for a few minutes, and I massaged his back while he was lying on top of me. I think he really got tired cuz he slept for like half an hour before I finally left.

For a week after Gio didn't text me, up until last Monday when he called at like 3 in the morning again to ask where I was. He was out with friends. I didn't know if he wanted to meet but I guess he did, or maybe he found someone else to sleep with that night. I'm not hoping for a relationship, but I do hope that we get to sleep with each other again some time soon. I miss him. And I miss his body fucking me more.

Orgasm achieved... pass me a cigarette

After many migraines, I was finally able to edit my blog design. Romi will help me add the counter and the comments box-thing in a few moments. I'm so tired. I want to sleep but I can't because I have to start adjusting to the graveyard shift. Rolly will be here at the office in a few hours.

Devirginizing Blogspot

I am sad. Romi is not going to write in her blog anymore. I'm not sure why, and when I asked earlier today her why she didn't want to write in her blog anymore I didn't understand her answer. Something about her just feeling she shouldn't be writing anymore. That's like me feeling I shouldn't be gay anymore. It's just sad because although I don't get to read her blog that often, whenever I do get to read it I'm amazed at how great a writer she is. Her imagery, her play on words, her honesty, all of it is a reflection of how great a person she is. I suspect the reason she doesn't want to write in her blog anymore has something to do with Sherwin. Hay... Asshole. I'm happy that she's finally seriously considering leaving him permanently. I'm just sad though that she thinks she needs to move to Cebu in order for her to be able to do that. I will miss her, but if she feels it is for the best...

But more of that another time. Let's talk about me first. Haha. I'm starting this blog because I think it's about time I put my thoughts online again. I used to have another online journal, but I haven't managed to update that in a long time. I guess part of the reason why I haven't felt inspired to write there recently is because I can't figure out how to edit the html codes there, so it's a pretty boring journal -- no pictures, boring template, ugly fonts. This blogger thing, I think I can manage better. Plus at least I'm a lot better at managing my time now, so I should be able to write a lot more often than I have done in the past year.

The only thing I'm not sure about is whether or not I'm going to post absolutely everything in this blog, and by absolutely everything I mean all my, ahem, sexcapades and whatnot. Not that I have had that many sexcapades (haha!). In my previous journal I had the option to keep entries private, but I don't think you have the option to do that in this blog. Even if I do have the option, I kinda still want keep all the entries here public. Not that I aim to shock people or anything, but I just want to write what it is that I'm going through, what I'm thinking, and how I feel without having to worry that I'm exposing too much of myself. In any case I end up telling all of my friends what I do anyway. It's just that I wonder what will happen if one of my current or ex- trainees happens to chance upon my blog. Haha. How awkward. Balahura pala si Josie.