Oh my God I've found the perfect song that describes the way that I'm feeling. My last entry was all about how I've decided that cheating on Vince wouldn't be so bad after all, and today I heard Amy Winehouse's song "I Heard Love Is Blind" for the very first time. It's about this woman who cheats on her man and she justifies it by saying it wasn't really cheating because she was thinking about him while she was fucking the other guy. I can relate because everytime I think about having sex with someone else (like last Saturday with Deo), I end up comparing the guy I'm fantasizing about to Vince. Either that or I end up wishing it was Vince who was fucking me instead. As the song says, I'm sure Vince wouldn't want me to be lonely... but I know he'd be pissed off if he found out it was someone else fucking me and not him.
I couldn't resist him
His eyes were like yours
His hair was exactly the shade of brown
He's just not as tall, but I couldn't tell
It was dark and I was lying down
You are everything – he means nothing to me
I can't even remember his name
Why're you so upset?
Baby, you weren't there and I was thinking of you when I came
What do you expect?
You left me here alone; I drank so much and needed to touch
Don't overreact – I pretended he was you
You wouldn't want me to be lonely
How can I put it so you understand?
I didn't let him hold my hand
But he looked like you; I guess he looked like you
No he wasn't you
But you can still trust me, this ain't infidelity
It's not cheating; you were on my mind
Yes he looked like you
But I heard love is blind...
I'd honestly rather not cheat on him. I still think that cheating in general is wrong. Just maybe not with him.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Sexual Rebirth
My sex life has been relatively quiet (if not silent) in the past few months, and that's why I haven't been able to update this blog as often as I would have liked. Last week though, things started picking up again, and so I'm back. Hopefully the momentum won't die down.
First of all, before anything else, Vince and I don't go out anymore. The last time I had sex was in April, and the last time we had sex together was in February. In February the sex wasn't even all that, and the last time I enjoyed having sex with Vince was early last year. These past few months, it's always me who seems to be asking for sex first. Needless to say, my sex life has been shit, and Romi's been pissing me off about it. That's all about to change soon though, with or without Vince. I have never cheated on him, but since he doesn't seem to be interested in having sex with me anymore, then screw fidelity.
I went online on MIRC last Wednesday for the first time in months and I met a guy named Sean. He looked semi-hot, and lucky for me apparently he didn't think I was that bad either. He wanted to meet right away, and I just got off work so I was like hey if you want to meet now I still have to go home and clean up but if you want we can just exchange numbers and meet another time. He said fine let's just meet this weekend and by the way would it be ok if my friend joined us. I said yeah sure but I have to tell you I'm pure bottom so that limits us a bit would that be ok. He said yeah it's not a problem. And so we set a date for Saturday evening.
Saturday afternoon. Sean texts and asks if I'm free early evening. I said sure, and then I went out of the house to prepare. I got a haircut and bought some nice clothes and new shoes. When I got home I took a bath, douched, etc. In the evening, Sean still hadn't texted, but it wasn't a big deal cuz I was planning to go to Malate anyway, so if Sean and his friend had already found someone else then what the hell I was going to find someone too.
Later that night I was on my way to Malate, and when I rode a jeep on Taft there was a cute guy next to me. He seemed to be busy, so I spent most of the ride flirting with the guy opposite me -- who wasn't all that hot but what the fuck I was horny and not very choosy. The cute guy got off the jeep at Remedios, a street before Nakpil which is where I was going to get off, so I though what the hell I'll get off too and if we end up walking in the same direction then great something might happen. But no. He went in the other direction so whatever I went on my way to Nakpil.
Just before I got to Nakpil, someone grabbed my arm. I didn't think anything of it, and at first I thought it was Tom (my friend and co-organizer of G4M's Next Top Model), cuz only someone you know would grab your arm right. But no. I was being mugged. Soon the guy had his left hand over my mouth and his right hand had a knife which he was holding close to my chest. He asked for my phone and I gave it right away cuz hell I never really liked that phone anyway. He also asked for my cash, and I gave him the 40 pesos that was in my left pocket. Of course I had way more than that, but the rest of my money was in my socks and he didn't press the issue cuz I guess he saw how crap my phone was and assumed I really was poor. After I gave him the cash he let go of me and told me to run. And I did.
I probably should have been more traumatized than I was, and I have to admit that in the moment the knife and his voice freaked me out a bit, but a few minutes after he let go of me my first reaction was to smirk and laugh a bit. Like I said, my phone was crap and he just gave me an excuse to buy a new one. All he got was 40 pesos, and he didn't even ask for more. In way, he didn't really get much from me, and except for the scratch from where the knife pressed into my chest, I escaped with very little being taken from me. I was lucky. And I wasn't going to let that small hiccup ruin what was going to be a fabulous night.
So when I got to Malate I looked for Tom and my other G4M-NTM friends. I couldn't see where they were right away, so I ordered a beer and stayed outside Chelu for a bit. When I went back inside I finally saw Mother Domeng, KC and Chris and hung out with them for a while. Domeng and I are similar in the sense that we go to Malate not really to pick men up, but really more than anything to dance. If men pick us up then fine, but if not so what cuz all we really wanted to do was dance anyway.
Of course, having said that, dancing in a bar in Malate means that inevitably you'll be rubbing body parts with hot strangers, and that's what happened to me. I was just minding my own business, dancing like I was the only one there on the floor, when in comes in this hot manly man with huge muscles a tight tshirt and an i'm-tired-i-just-wanna-go-home-and-fuck-some-pretty-young-thing look on his face. He stood at the bar right next to where I was. At first we were both looking in other directions, pretending not to see each other checking each other out. Then it became more difficult to ignore each other because there were more people going into the bar than there were going out, and in no time the crowd was pressing us into each other.
At first I was still like ok whatever you're hot but I'm here to dance so even if we were touching already I was still dancing and grooving to the music. But then he looked me in the eye, smiled, and scratched my tummy. Of course I smiled back. I moved next to him and we held hands. I swear, even at the first touch I was already feeling really loose and limp cuz he was so fucking hot. His hands were warm, a little rough, and huge. I asked him what his name was. He said it was Deo. I said hi I'm Josef. I can't remember what we talked about after, but I do remember that I started dancing again, and while I was dancing he started massaging my lower back with his fingers. I swear, if he wanted me right then and there I was going to give in. But for whatever reason a few minutes later he left the bar and didn't come back.
OK fine. Call me slow. Even though I kinda knew that that was my signal to leave the bar with him so we could fuck the night away in some god-forsaken motel, he never explicitly said he wanted me to go with him, and I didn't want to assume anything. Also, I was with Domeng, and I didn't want to leave him abruptly. So I stayed in the bar and danced, which is what I was having fun doing anyway. Naturally I spent the rest of the night thinking what the fuck I'm such an idiot I should have just left with him and gotten laid. I saw him outside the bar a few hours later but it seemed he had already picked someone else up. Fuck.
Oh well. The rest of the night I was so high on his touch, the lights, the music, and the cigarette smoke that my head was feeling really light. I still had a great time though. I hope Deo is still around when I get back to Malate this Saturday. If not him then some other hot man.
So that was it for Saturday. The only other thing I did was meet up with some people from G4M's Next Top Model, but the meeting didn't last long. Plus I'm not part of G4M-NTM anymore, though that's an entirely different story. On Sunday I bought a new phone, set a new date with Sean, and masturbated to the memory of Deo's touch.
Until next time.
First of all, before anything else, Vince and I don't go out anymore. The last time I had sex was in April, and the last time we had sex together was in February. In February the sex wasn't even all that, and the last time I enjoyed having sex with Vince was early last year. These past few months, it's always me who seems to be asking for sex first. Needless to say, my sex life has been shit, and Romi's been pissing me off about it. That's all about to change soon though, with or without Vince. I have never cheated on him, but since he doesn't seem to be interested in having sex with me anymore, then screw fidelity.
I went online on MIRC last Wednesday for the first time in months and I met a guy named Sean. He looked semi-hot, and lucky for me apparently he didn't think I was that bad either. He wanted to meet right away, and I just got off work so I was like hey if you want to meet now I still have to go home and clean up but if you want we can just exchange numbers and meet another time. He said fine let's just meet this weekend and by the way would it be ok if my friend joined us. I said yeah sure but I have to tell you I'm pure bottom so that limits us a bit would that be ok. He said yeah it's not a problem. And so we set a date for Saturday evening.
Saturday afternoon. Sean texts and asks if I'm free early evening. I said sure, and then I went out of the house to prepare. I got a haircut and bought some nice clothes and new shoes. When I got home I took a bath, douched, etc. In the evening, Sean still hadn't texted, but it wasn't a big deal cuz I was planning to go to Malate anyway, so if Sean and his friend had already found someone else then what the hell I was going to find someone too.
Later that night I was on my way to Malate, and when I rode a jeep on Taft there was a cute guy next to me. He seemed to be busy, so I spent most of the ride flirting with the guy opposite me -- who wasn't all that hot but what the fuck I was horny and not very choosy. The cute guy got off the jeep at Remedios, a street before Nakpil which is where I was going to get off, so I though what the hell I'll get off too and if we end up walking in the same direction then great something might happen. But no. He went in the other direction so whatever I went on my way to Nakpil.
Just before I got to Nakpil, someone grabbed my arm. I didn't think anything of it, and at first I thought it was Tom (my friend and co-organizer of G4M's Next Top Model), cuz only someone you know would grab your arm right. But no. I was being mugged. Soon the guy had his left hand over my mouth and his right hand had a knife which he was holding close to my chest. He asked for my phone and I gave it right away cuz hell I never really liked that phone anyway. He also asked for my cash, and I gave him the 40 pesos that was in my left pocket. Of course I had way more than that, but the rest of my money was in my socks and he didn't press the issue cuz I guess he saw how crap my phone was and assumed I really was poor. After I gave him the cash he let go of me and told me to run. And I did.
I probably should have been more traumatized than I was, and I have to admit that in the moment the knife and his voice freaked me out a bit, but a few minutes after he let go of me my first reaction was to smirk and laugh a bit. Like I said, my phone was crap and he just gave me an excuse to buy a new one. All he got was 40 pesos, and he didn't even ask for more. In way, he didn't really get much from me, and except for the scratch from where the knife pressed into my chest, I escaped with very little being taken from me. I was lucky. And I wasn't going to let that small hiccup ruin what was going to be a fabulous night.
So when I got to Malate I looked for Tom and my other G4M-NTM friends. I couldn't see where they were right away, so I ordered a beer and stayed outside Chelu for a bit. When I went back inside I finally saw Mother Domeng, KC and Chris and hung out with them for a while. Domeng and I are similar in the sense that we go to Malate not really to pick men up, but really more than anything to dance. If men pick us up then fine, but if not so what cuz all we really wanted to do was dance anyway.
Of course, having said that, dancing in a bar in Malate means that inevitably you'll be rubbing body parts with hot strangers, and that's what happened to me. I was just minding my own business, dancing like I was the only one there on the floor, when in comes in this hot manly man with huge muscles a tight tshirt and an i'm-tired-i-just-wanna-go-home-and-fuck-some-pretty-young-thing look on his face. He stood at the bar right next to where I was. At first we were both looking in other directions, pretending not to see each other checking each other out. Then it became more difficult to ignore each other because there were more people going into the bar than there were going out, and in no time the crowd was pressing us into each other.
At first I was still like ok whatever you're hot but I'm here to dance so even if we were touching already I was still dancing and grooving to the music. But then he looked me in the eye, smiled, and scratched my tummy. Of course I smiled back. I moved next to him and we held hands. I swear, even at the first touch I was already feeling really loose and limp cuz he was so fucking hot. His hands were warm, a little rough, and huge. I asked him what his name was. He said it was Deo. I said hi I'm Josef. I can't remember what we talked about after, but I do remember that I started dancing again, and while I was dancing he started massaging my lower back with his fingers. I swear, if he wanted me right then and there I was going to give in. But for whatever reason a few minutes later he left the bar and didn't come back.
OK fine. Call me slow. Even though I kinda knew that that was my signal to leave the bar with him so we could fuck the night away in some god-forsaken motel, he never explicitly said he wanted me to go with him, and I didn't want to assume anything. Also, I was with Domeng, and I didn't want to leave him abruptly. So I stayed in the bar and danced, which is what I was having fun doing anyway. Naturally I spent the rest of the night thinking what the fuck I'm such an idiot I should have just left with him and gotten laid. I saw him outside the bar a few hours later but it seemed he had already picked someone else up. Fuck.
Oh well. The rest of the night I was so high on his touch, the lights, the music, and the cigarette smoke that my head was feeling really light. I still had a great time though. I hope Deo is still around when I get back to Malate this Saturday. If not him then some other hot man.
So that was it for Saturday. The only other thing I did was meet up with some people from G4M's Next Top Model, but the meeting didn't last long. Plus I'm not part of G4M-NTM anymore, though that's an entirely different story. On Sunday I bought a new phone, set a new date with Sean, and masturbated to the memory of Deo's touch.
Until next time.
