4 months and 3 weeks. The longest I had been without sex since I became a slut. My celibacy officially ended last Saturday. This entry won't be long though cuz the sex wasn't that great.
I was chatting last Saturday when I saw someone's ad saying he was at a hotel and wanted someone to come over. I macked him, asked for his pic, and when I saw it he looked familiar. He said his name was Gil, and eventually it dawned on me that he was one of the first few guys I became textmates with. I met him back in 2002 when he was still working for Sykes. He wasn't my type back then and he still isn't but I thought what the Hell at least we already know each other.
So I went to his hotel room, we did it, and I went home. He was small (the condom kept coming off of him), and no matter how hard he pumped it still didn't hurt. I didn't even get a hardon through the entire thing.
And that's it. There's not much else to say. My length of my entries are directly proportional to the penis lengths of my men. Haha. Oh well. Better luck next time.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Pope Bacchus I
Last weekend, Juris and I went to Marie's place in San Fernando. We went because Marie had our first journal, and we wanted to compile some of the entries as part of a blurt that we would photocopy and distribute to our friends. We were supposed to spend most of our time there talking about the blurt. We ended up buying lambanog and throwing it in a blender with chocolate milk and ice to make an improvised mudshake. Marie and Juris spent the rest of the night talking about heterosexual relationships while I lay down and listened to them.
I miss getting drunk. I don't drink that often, but whenever I do I really go wild. I don't think I got drunk in San Fernando but I did have a hangover the next day. The last time I really got drunk was last year during Marie's birthday. We were in Bataan and all of Marie's friends were there -- Bataan peeps, UPSF friends, and us PDAers. After everyone else had gone to sleep, Jhona and I started finishing the gin. For some reason when I get drunk I become all athletic, so I was soon cartwheeling all over the place and tumbling like a little ball. Marie said she was concerned at one point cuz even though I was bumping loudly into everything, I still kept on going and going. I bought my Doraemon stuffed toy with me to the party and I was saying stuff like Doraemon is hungry, Doraemon wants to eat ube hopia. They asked if maybe it was me who wanted ube hopia and not Doraemon and I said no Doraemon really wants ube hopia but yeah I think I want some too. Jhona was pretty drunk too and kept asking Mate, someone she barely knew, to go with her to bathroom to help her pee.
My best performance as a drunk happened when some of the Speech Comm people went to Infanta. I can't remember when it happened exactly, but it was either just before graduation or just after. This was also around the time when Keysi and I weren't on speaking terms for a lot of reasons. I can't remember all of the details anymore, but when I got drunk I kept on blabbing and blabbing and I wrapped my arms around KC and said I forgave her. She started crying so I kissed her on the lips and said her lips were soft. Then I started kissing everyone else around me. I decided that since I forgave KC, I also needed forgiveness. So I went outside in the pouring rain and lay down on the gravel. My friends asked me if I was OK and I said I was OK and it was just part of my cleansing ritual. Someone tried to put an umbrella over me but I told them to go away. After a while I went back inside and started telling people you get my t-shirt you get my toothpaste cuz I want to take a bath. I told someone else you stay outside the bathroom door cuz I might fall over in the shower. So then I took a bath and when I came out I started crying about some guy. Then I fell asleep. The next day I woke up with a hangover and was in pain because I developed an allergic reaction to the gin we drank and my skin was red all over.
That's pretty much it. Martina, Romi and I have been planning to get drunk for some time now cuz I want to show them how weird I can be. I hope it happens soon. The only problem is that like with smoking I seem to have developed an aversion to alcohol. After just a few beers I either get an upset stomache or immediately feel like puking. Hmmm. We'll see.
I miss getting drunk. I don't drink that often, but whenever I do I really go wild. I don't think I got drunk in San Fernando but I did have a hangover the next day. The last time I really got drunk was last year during Marie's birthday. We were in Bataan and all of Marie's friends were there -- Bataan peeps, UPSF friends, and us PDAers. After everyone else had gone to sleep, Jhona and I started finishing the gin. For some reason when I get drunk I become all athletic, so I was soon cartwheeling all over the place and tumbling like a little ball. Marie said she was concerned at one point cuz even though I was bumping loudly into everything, I still kept on going and going. I bought my Doraemon stuffed toy with me to the party and I was saying stuff like Doraemon is hungry, Doraemon wants to eat ube hopia. They asked if maybe it was me who wanted ube hopia and not Doraemon and I said no Doraemon really wants ube hopia but yeah I think I want some too. Jhona was pretty drunk too and kept asking Mate, someone she barely knew, to go with her to bathroom to help her pee.
My best performance as a drunk happened when some of the Speech Comm people went to Infanta. I can't remember when it happened exactly, but it was either just before graduation or just after. This was also around the time when Keysi and I weren't on speaking terms for a lot of reasons. I can't remember all of the details anymore, but when I got drunk I kept on blabbing and blabbing and I wrapped my arms around KC and said I forgave her. She started crying so I kissed her on the lips and said her lips were soft. Then I started kissing everyone else around me. I decided that since I forgave KC, I also needed forgiveness. So I went outside in the pouring rain and lay down on the gravel. My friends asked me if I was OK and I said I was OK and it was just part of my cleansing ritual. Someone tried to put an umbrella over me but I told them to go away. After a while I went back inside and started telling people you get my t-shirt you get my toothpaste cuz I want to take a bath. I told someone else you stay outside the bathroom door cuz I might fall over in the shower. So then I took a bath and when I came out I started crying about some guy. Then I fell asleep. The next day I woke up with a hangover and was in pain because I developed an allergic reaction to the gin we drank and my skin was red all over.
That's pretty much it. Martina, Romi and I have been planning to get drunk for some time now cuz I want to show them how weird I can be. I hope it happens soon. The only problem is that like with smoking I seem to have developed an aversion to alcohol. After just a few beers I either get an upset stomache or immediately feel like puking. Hmmm. We'll see.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Habemus Papam
A new pontiff has been elected to succeed Pope John Paul II -- Pope Benedict XVI; formerly Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger. The new Pope is apparently ultra-conservative, and has spoken out against homosexuality and inter-faith dialogue in the past. Yes, he may eventually turn out to be a great leader, but all the same I think my Catholic renewal ends here.
I stopped being Catholic almost a decade ago. I was at one point a devout Catholic; going to mass every Sunday, reading the Bible when I had nothing else to do, confessing my sins, etc. But some things I could never really understand, like the concept of homosexuality being unnatural when it felt completely natural to me, God not being able to control Satan, etc. I completely gave up trying to reconcile my beliefs with Catholic beliefs after having read "Conversations With God". I might write more about that book later. I'm happier without organized religion. I don't really talk about it much though, cuz inevitably talking about my beliefs leads me to having to defend them, which I find tiring and ultimately pointless. It's not what you believe but how what you believe shapes who you are and what you do. Plus it's not like I go around telling people what they believe is wrong, so I appreciate people who show me the same respect.
Though I may not consider myself Catholic, I was still saddened by Pope John Paul II's death. I didn't expect his death to affect me as much as it did. Inspite of the differences in our beliefs, I honestly thought he was a great person who worked harder for peace than most other world leaders. The only world figure I respected more was Mother Teresa, who's death in 1997 also saddened me. I appreciated the lengths he took to reach out to the people of the world by travelling as often as he could, and I like how hard he tried to reach out to the leaders of other faiths. OK fine, he was very conservative, and his views on homosexuality were disappointing, but I'm very Japanese in the sense that once someone dies I tend to only remember only the positive things about them -- especially when the positive far outweighs the negative.
I watched the Pope John Paul II's funeral at the office, and I swear I looked like such a devoted Catholic. I was only person who stayed in front of the TV from start to finish, and everyone who came by didn't even bother to try and change the channel cuz I was obviously so fixated. The ceremony itself was your average Catholic mass, but I was particularly moved by the part when the world leaders were all wishing each other peace.
After the ceremony, as with everyone else in the world, I was excited about who they'd elect as the next Pope. I hoped the person would be from either Latin America or Africa. I'm not sure why I cared, considering how much I previously tried to distance myself from Catholicism. I think it's partly because I wanted to feel connected to this historical event. I guess you could say I decided to temporarily become Catholic again -- just until the new Pope was elected.
I knew though that whoever they selected would be conservative and non-progressive, but I didn't mind. For some reason I agree with the people who say that Catholicism shouldn't change its stand on certain issues just for the sake of keeping or gaining followers. Its being dogmatic is what makes Catholicism Catholic. If you don't agree with what they say, then just don't be Catholic. Yeah fine, a lot of their beliefs seem archaic, antiquated, and non-responsive to current issues, but whatever. To each his own.
True enough, the conservative and non-progressive Ratzinger was elected Pope. Whether or not he stays conservative and non-progressive remains to be seen. I'm sure he will do a good job as Pope of the Catholics; maybe not in terms of what progressive Catholics hope he will do, but definitely in terms of what he is supposed to do according to tradition. As far as I'm concerned though, I still do not believe in Catholic doctrine, and I still think I'd be happier without a religion. I will now go back to being a heretic. Urbi et Orbi.
Habemus Papam: director's cut
I wrote another entry titled "Habemus Papum" in my public blog, but this is the version that is unsuitable for public release. Hehe.
I finally met Vincent. It was just a clean meet though. We were supposed to have a sex-eb last Monday, but for some reason that didn't push through. Yesterday he had a job interview in Makati, and I asked if he wanted to meet for dinner. I said let's meet in Glorietta and decide where to have dinner later. He said fine let's meet.
When I saw him, I wasn't exactly impressed. He seemed pretty ordinary, not like what I had expected at all. He wasn't dressed well either, but neither was I, so it wasn't a big deal. Still, he seemed nice, so I wanted to give him a chance. I mean, I wasn't that impressed with Mark either when I first met him, and he turned out to be OK. Besides, if the pics he showed when we were chatting were real, then he had a huge penis (which is the only thing that matters -- haha!).
We decided to go to Mexicali's since I was craving for their burritos. The first few moments were awkward, as always, but we soon settled in. The conversation we had was mostly small talk, with him doing most of the talking. I think that's the complaint of a lot of people -- I tend to seem bored because I like listening more than I like talking. Among the things he mentioned was that he is currently taking a second course in college and has a sister in Canada who is supporting him. He also mentioned that he has had a boyfriend for the last 2 1/2 years, inspite of being engaged to his childhood sweetheart.
Overall though, inspite of his admitted unfaithfulness, he seemed like a nice guy. Not that I want to be in a relationship with him. I know what I can aim for, and it's nothing long-term. He may end up being a friend like Mark did, but if that doesn't happen I'm fine. As long we have sex before we decide not to see each other again.
That's pretty much it for now. Vincent and I will meet sometime this Saturday. I will keep you posted.
I finally met Vincent. It was just a clean meet though. We were supposed to have a sex-eb last Monday, but for some reason that didn't push through. Yesterday he had a job interview in Makati, and I asked if he wanted to meet for dinner. I said let's meet in Glorietta and decide where to have dinner later. He said fine let's meet.
When I saw him, I wasn't exactly impressed. He seemed pretty ordinary, not like what I had expected at all. He wasn't dressed well either, but neither was I, so it wasn't a big deal. Still, he seemed nice, so I wanted to give him a chance. I mean, I wasn't that impressed with Mark either when I first met him, and he turned out to be OK. Besides, if the pics he showed when we were chatting were real, then he had a huge penis (which is the only thing that matters -- haha!).
We decided to go to Mexicali's since I was craving for their burritos. The first few moments were awkward, as always, but we soon settled in. The conversation we had was mostly small talk, with him doing most of the talking. I think that's the complaint of a lot of people -- I tend to seem bored because I like listening more than I like talking. Among the things he mentioned was that he is currently taking a second course in college and has a sister in Canada who is supporting him. He also mentioned that he has had a boyfriend for the last 2 1/2 years, inspite of being engaged to his childhood sweetheart.
Overall though, inspite of his admitted unfaithfulness, he seemed like a nice guy. Not that I want to be in a relationship with him. I know what I can aim for, and it's nothing long-term. He may end up being a friend like Mark did, but if that doesn't happen I'm fine. As long we have sex before we decide not to see each other again.
That's pretty much it for now. Vincent and I will meet sometime this Saturday. I will keep you posted.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
a zephyr in the sky begins
OK. Here starts the story of my life. Off the bat, if you were to ask me if I thought my life story is interesting, I'd probably say no. But I guess that's just because I'm no different from the vast majority of people who either undervalue their life experiences, or are just too caught up in the moment to remember what they've been through. I'm one of those people who should be required to keep a blog, cuz if I didn't have one I'd probably forget everything that happened to me beyond a week ago. So forgive me if every now and then the stories stop being chronological. It only means that I've suddenly remembered something that I should have remembered earlier.
So where do we start? Well, we should start a few years before I was born -- sometime in the 1970s, somewhere in Manila. I posted this before in another blog, but I will post it again anyway. I always get nostalgic whenever I think about how Manila was like in the 70s. For some reason I have this affinity with all things from the 70s, and especially all things that have to do with Manila in the 70s -- old Filipino movies, songs, pictures. Even recent stuff that is 70s-inspired appeals to me, like the stuff on True Faith's live album "MYX: Halo-Halo". My theory is that before I was born I was a spirit wandering around the world, and the place I liked most was Manila. I was born in 1981, so I guess if I really was a wandering spirit I would have been wandering around in the 70s.
As a wandering spirit, Leonida Almario and Florentino Bertumen -- my parents -- caught my attention. My Mom and my Dad were working in the same office back when they met; my Dad was my Mom's boss. It was my Mom's friend that my Dad was dating at first, but one time when my Mom's friend didn't show up for one their dates, my Mom went instead. Eventually my Dad moved to Papua New Guinea to work there, my Mom followed him, and they got married in a small ceremony there on September 6, 1980. None of our relatives were there, so when they came back to the Philippines people were a bit shocked that they couldn't wait but were nonetheless happy.
My parents enjoyed their married life without children for only 11 months. Not to say that they didn't enjoy their married life with children, but... we'll save that for another entry. I was born in the Our Lady of Lourdes hospital in Sta. Mesa, Manila on August 20, 1981. Oliver and Lisa, my brother and sister, were eventually born in the same hospital and delivered by the same doctor. Only Jelu, my youngest brother, was born elsewhere. I also will write more about my brothers and my sister in another entry.
That's it for now. If I attempt to cover anything more with this entry it will never get finished. I'm thinking about making future entries topical rather than chronological. Whatever. We'll see.
So where do we start? Well, we should start a few years before I was born -- sometime in the 1970s, somewhere in Manila. I posted this before in another blog, but I will post it again anyway. I always get nostalgic whenever I think about how Manila was like in the 70s. For some reason I have this affinity with all things from the 70s, and especially all things that have to do with Manila in the 70s -- old Filipino movies, songs, pictures. Even recent stuff that is 70s-inspired appeals to me, like the stuff on True Faith's live album "MYX: Halo-Halo". My theory is that before I was born I was a spirit wandering around the world, and the place I liked most was Manila. I was born in 1981, so I guess if I really was a wandering spirit I would have been wandering around in the 70s.
As a wandering spirit, Leonida Almario and Florentino Bertumen -- my parents -- caught my attention. My Mom and my Dad were working in the same office back when they met; my Dad was my Mom's boss. It was my Mom's friend that my Dad was dating at first, but one time when my Mom's friend didn't show up for one their dates, my Mom went instead. Eventually my Dad moved to Papua New Guinea to work there, my Mom followed him, and they got married in a small ceremony there on September 6, 1980. None of our relatives were there, so when they came back to the Philippines people were a bit shocked that they couldn't wait but were nonetheless happy.
My parents enjoyed their married life without children for only 11 months. Not to say that they didn't enjoy their married life with children, but... we'll save that for another entry. I was born in the Our Lady of Lourdes hospital in Sta. Mesa, Manila on August 20, 1981. Oliver and Lisa, my brother and sister, were eventually born in the same hospital and delivered by the same doctor. Only Jelu, my youngest brother, was born elsewhere. I also will write more about my brothers and my sister in another entry.
That's it for now. If I attempt to cover anything more with this entry it will never get finished. I'm thinking about making future entries topical rather than chronological. Whatever. We'll see.
The Return Of The Fag
They are calling Mariah's new album "the return of the voice". Well, consider this post to be "the return of the fag". Not that I really went anywhere. What I just mean is that for some reason this week I've been in the mood to write stuff -- even if I don't really have anything new to write about.
I mentioned somewhere in a previous post that I wanted this blog to be about the earlier years of my life, and I will start that theme with my next entry. I'm thinking about changing the tagline of this blog to "Memories of a zephyr in the sky..." Sounds nice, but I dunno if it'll stick. We'll see.
I mentioned somewhere in a previous post that I wanted this blog to be about the earlier years of my life, and I will start that theme with my next entry. I'm thinking about changing the tagline of this blog to "Memories of a zephyr in the sky..." Sounds nice, but I dunno if it'll stick. We'll see.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Dreaming of my Emancipation
I haven't been writing in either of my journals as often as I should, but I promise to write more stuff soon. Not much has been happening to me. I've been helping out with STC, the collections team of PeopleSupport. It's status quo between me and Rolly. I'm still celibate, except that this time I don't want to be. Hehe.
I've amazingly been able to get a lot of sleep recently. It's partly because I've decided to work late afternoons this week, and last week I worked the morning shift. I've always told people that I hate working mornings cuz I hate crowds, traffic, noise, and sunlight. Although that used to be true, nowadays I only like the graveyard shift cuz I get paid more. I really prefer late morning or afternoon shifts, cuz that's really the only way for me to get enough sleep.
Anyway, I've been able to remember more of my dreams as of late. Last night I had a dream that I was in this big mall and there was a massive discount on all the items. I was looking for toiletries and got all the stuff I wanted. There was a Body Shop section in the mall, and I remember finding red cloth dye for P199.00 and I was wondering if I should get it to change the color of my jeans. I'm not sure if that dream meant anything significant, but it was a nice dream.
The other dream I had the other day was semi-lucid, because Marti and I were in a dark hallway and I was telling her you know there must be a reason why you are in my dream. We went down the hall, and at the end it was a ward of a mental institution where there were at least 15 beds. Romi was there, and we tried helping her escape. One of the doctors was there, and he tried to stop us by sedating Romi. Luckily I stopped him before he succeeded. Apparently Romi gave birth while she was there, and we were trying to rescue the baby too. I woke up before we could.
Romi said that the dream was about how I felt about her relationship with Sherwin, but I doubt that. I think it's more about me and Rolly. As much as Romi is having difficulty leaving her dead-end relationship, I'm having trouble leaving mine. Oh well. I don't need a dream to realize that.
I posted this in my other journal, but I will post this here too. I bought "The Emancipation Of Mimi", Mariah's new album. I love it. I think it's her best album ever. Slick sounds, slick lyrics, and she looks gorgeous on the album cover. The feel of the music is very 70s retro, a lot of the songs sound like they were casually recorded live, and Mariah is hitting the highest notes that she's hit since the early 90s. Above all though, I love the songs because they're mostly about having to move on from relationships that just didn't work out -- crying, saying goodbye, and finding someone else. At this point in my life, this album is my soundtrack...
I've amazingly been able to get a lot of sleep recently. It's partly because I've decided to work late afternoons this week, and last week I worked the morning shift. I've always told people that I hate working mornings cuz I hate crowds, traffic, noise, and sunlight. Although that used to be true, nowadays I only like the graveyard shift cuz I get paid more. I really prefer late morning or afternoon shifts, cuz that's really the only way for me to get enough sleep.
Anyway, I've been able to remember more of my dreams as of late. Last night I had a dream that I was in this big mall and there was a massive discount on all the items. I was looking for toiletries and got all the stuff I wanted. There was a Body Shop section in the mall, and I remember finding red cloth dye for P199.00 and I was wondering if I should get it to change the color of my jeans. I'm not sure if that dream meant anything significant, but it was a nice dream.
The other dream I had the other day was semi-lucid, because Marti and I were in a dark hallway and I was telling her you know there must be a reason why you are in my dream. We went down the hall, and at the end it was a ward of a mental institution where there were at least 15 beds. Romi was there, and we tried helping her escape. One of the doctors was there, and he tried to stop us by sedating Romi. Luckily I stopped him before he succeeded. Apparently Romi gave birth while she was there, and we were trying to rescue the baby too. I woke up before we could.
Romi said that the dream was about how I felt about her relationship with Sherwin, but I doubt that. I think it's more about me and Rolly. As much as Romi is having difficulty leaving her dead-end relationship, I'm having trouble leaving mine. Oh well. I don't need a dream to realize that.
I posted this in my other journal, but I will post this here too. I bought "The Emancipation Of Mimi", Mariah's new album. I love it. I think it's her best album ever. Slick sounds, slick lyrics, and she looks gorgeous on the album cover. The feel of the music is very 70s retro, a lot of the songs sound like they were casually recorded live, and Mariah is hitting the highest notes that she's hit since the early 90s. Above all though, I love the songs because they're mostly about having to move on from relationships that just didn't work out -- crying, saying goodbye, and finding someone else. At this point in my life, this album is my soundtrack...
Waiting for my Emancipation
I still haven't finished writing my last entry about Rolly. It's taking me a while because even now it's emotionally draining to think about us and our so-called relationship. Nothing has changed. We still meet. He still doesn't talk to me much cuz he feels awkward about the entire thing, as do I. He still goes to Tribu. He still asks me to check his grammar. I guess the only thing different is that we're slowly drifting further and further apart. It's for the best, I guess.
I can't seem to find a man to be with. I'm not even talking about someone for a relationship, cuz I know that will take a while. What I mean is that I can't seem to find someone to have sex with. It's not like before where if I wanted to find someone it only took me an hour in the chatroom before I got hooked. The closest I got to getting hooked recently was with Jasper, someone I had chatted with before. We were supposed to meet last Saturday. It didn't push through because he wanted it to be a threesome, and while we were looking for someone to join us he got logged off. He probably found someone else.
I bought "The Emancipation Of Mimi", Mariah's new album. I love it. I think it's her best album ever. Slick sounds, slick lyrics, and she looks gorgeous on the album cover. The feel of the music is very 70s retro, a lot of the songs sound like they were casually recorded live, and Mariah is hitting the highest notes that she's hit since the early 90s. Above all though, I love the songs because they're mostly about having to move on from relationships that just didn't work out -- crying, saying goodbye, and finding someone else. At this point in my life, this album is my soundtrack...
I can't seem to find a man to be with. I'm not even talking about someone for a relationship, cuz I know that will take a while. What I mean is that I can't seem to find someone to have sex with. It's not like before where if I wanted to find someone it only took me an hour in the chatroom before I got hooked. The closest I got to getting hooked recently was with Jasper, someone I had chatted with before. We were supposed to meet last Saturday. It didn't push through because he wanted it to be a threesome, and while we were looking for someone to join us he got logged off. He probably found someone else.
I bought "The Emancipation Of Mimi", Mariah's new album. I love it. I think it's her best album ever. Slick sounds, slick lyrics, and she looks gorgeous on the album cover. The feel of the music is very 70s retro, a lot of the songs sound like they were casually recorded live, and Mariah is hitting the highest notes that she's hit since the early 90s. Above all though, I love the songs because they're mostly about having to move on from relationships that just didn't work out -- crying, saying goodbye, and finding someone else. At this point in my life, this album is my soundtrack...
