Dirty Mouth

If there's such a thing as a sexual hypochondriac, I am that person. These days, if there's anything wrong with my body or if I'm not feeling well, I'm prone to think it's because I've caught something from one of my sex partners. So when my gums started bleeding around a week ago, I panicked a bit. It's not like they were bleeding constantly, but whenever I brushed my teeth, blood would be in the spit. I was a bit nervous because I vaguely remembered that there was an STD that caused your mouth to bleed, and also because I knew that you're more prone to catching STDs if your mouth is bleeding or if the lining of your mouth is thin. So I knew I needed to get myself checked really soon.

I was in Lucena over the weekend because it was Lisa's birthday. The party was OK, even though we were practically the only people there. They invited all the guests at the last minute, so no one was available except for a few neighbours. But anyway, while we were shopping for stuff for Lisa and her party, I went to one of the dentists at the mall. My Mom was having a fit because the attendant at the clinic got our appointment mixed up, and we ended up having to wait over an hour before I finally got to see a dentist. It was worth the wait though. The dentist, Dr. Joy, was very customer service-oriented -- complete with apology statements, empathy, in-depth explanations and upsell attempts. She explained that the reason my gums were bleeding was because a tartar build-up on one of my teeth had caused GINGIVITIS (shit, how embarrassing), but it was OK because the condition was completely reversible. It was just one tooth anyway, but gross all the same. Then she went about cleaning my teeth. Part of the prophylaxis was surreal because she had me hold up a mirror to my mouth so I could see her lift the gum off of my tooth while she scraped the plaque off the enamel -- all this while I was bleeding profusely. The weirdest part was that none of this hurt, no matter how badly it looked like she was torturing me.

At the end of all this she contorted my mouth into several positions while she took pictures of my teeth. Apparently all her patients had pictures of their mouths for their files so she could show them how much or how little their teeth had improved over time. She ended by giving a strict dental regimen to follow, complete with expensive medication and tongue scrapers. I think it was all worth my money though. At least I know that I don't have an STD. Unless giving too many blowjobs can cause gingivitis.