He texted me at around 3pm saying he wanted to meet and talk with me. I knew that could only mean that he wanted to borrow money from me, and I didn't have that much to lend him. But still, I kept thinking that this was my chance to finally say what I wanted to say to him, so I said ok we can meet but let's meet somewhere other than at PeopleSupport. I still haven't told everyone that Vince and I have broken up, so I didn't want any awkward situations to happen.
We still met at PS, but didn't stay there for long, cuz he needed to get something from his old office. We started walking. It was weird seeing him again for the first time in a long time. I wasn't angry at him, and he seemed calm. He asked how I had been doing, and I said I was adjusting. Adjusting to what, he asked. I said that I was wasn't used to the situation I was in. He didn't reply.
He said that he was now working for another call center, RMH, and was in training. He also said that he was planning to move to somewhere nearer to his new office, probably with one of his friends. I told him again what I had been telling him for a while, that while he didn't have a steady income it didn't make sense for him to live on his own just yet. He didn't argue.
When we got to his old office, he went inside to get whatever he needed to get, and I stayed outside. That's the only time I started to tear up. It was the first I had cried since we broke up. I started thinking about the past 3 weeks, what had been happening to us. Now that I finally got the chance to see him, it dawned on me that we had really broken up. And because things seemed to be going smoothly, I also started to miss him.
It didn't take him long before he came out of the office. We started walking again. I wasn't sure where we were going, but he said earlier that he wanted to eat, so I thought we were going to some restaurant. The direction that we were heading in was also the way to a park we had gone to several years ago, so I thought maybe we'd be heading there too. It didn't really matter though. The point is we were together, and neither of us was angry or bitter.
Finally he told me why he had wanted to see me. He had passed the application stage of an overseas employment agency, and now needed to submit 20k in order to leave the country. He asked if I had at least half that amount. He'd been asking me to sponsor his leaving the country for sometime already, and I had always said no before, not because I didn't want him to leave me but because I knew he wouldn't be able to afford his medicine if he had to buy it in another country. But now that he couldn't afford his medicine here either, it wouldn't matter if he worked abroad. I was fine with him leaving, but I really didn't have anything to give him. I told him that if he wanted to work abroad, he'd just have to save up the money he needed in order to leave, so it was important the he not lose the job he had found.
After I said that I couldn't give him anything, he stayed quiet and we continued walking. I still had no idea where we were heading, although eventually I figured we were headed for the MRT. I didn't mind walking with him there, since I didn't have anything to do at work anyway. We were both kinda quiet, and it was a bit awkward. But at least we were together.
Since it was the first time I had seen him since all hell had broken loose and since we broke up, I had so many questions I wanted to ask him. I wanted to ask if all the things he had told me were true. I wanted to ask how he could have said so many hurtful things to me, after all we had been through. I wanted to ask if he ever really loved me. But I couldn't bring myself to ask him any of those things. I kept quiet, cuz I didn't want to spoil the moment. It still didn't feel like the right time to bring those topics up. And honestly, I didn't need to know the answers right then and there.
Somewhere while we were walking, he started softly singing Martin Nievera's song "The Promise". Before Vince and I became lovers, back when I was desperately looking for someone to help me get over my first boyfriend, I told myself that the first guy who sang something to me would be my next boyfriend. On a friendly date one time, while we were walking along the streets of Malate, Vince sang that song to me. Back then, that was my sign that he was the one. Now, it was my sign that we had come full circle, and that it was over.
While he was singing, I found it difficult to walk without crying. I was trying not to cry in front of him, cuz I didn't want our meeting to end sad. At the same time though, since he started singing I couldn't help but remember how great it was when we first got together, before all the drama started, back when we just enjoyed being together.
I tried to get my mind off missing him, and I started talking about how I heard that RMH was a great place to work cuz they always have free food. From what I heard, they literally have a buffet table in their cafeteria 24x7 where their employees can eat all they want. I told him that if he worked there all he would have to worry about is his fare going to work and rent.
He remembered that he was hungry, and so we went to KFC so he could eat. I wasn't planning to eat anything, so I sat down at a table near the door while he ordered. When he got to the table I was surprised that he had ordered for me, and he got what I always ordered. I got sentimental again because after all we'd been through the past few weeks I didn't think he'd remember something like that.
While we were eating, we were still quiet, and I could sense that he was feeling a little embarrassed at having to ask me for help. He couldn't look at me straight. He was beginning to remind me of how he used to be before he got sick, before all of the things we went through. I was remembering the man I fell in love with, and I missed him terribly. I started to cry while I was munching on my fries. I was sniffling, wiping away my tears. I tried to stop but I couldn't anymore. I was missing him so badly, and for the first time since we broke up it really hurt that we weren't together anymore.
He of course knew I was crying, cuz he'd look up at me every now and then. When I was done eating I got up and told him I needed to go to the bathroom. So I went, and when I looked in the bathroom mirror I saw that my eyes were really red, which is probably why he looked at me weird when I left. I brought my stuff with me, and I probably shouldn't have, because when I got back to KFC, Vince wasn't there anymore. He had left without saying goodbye.
I walked towards the MRT, hoping that I'd still catch him, but I couldn't see him anywhere. I checked my phone and he had texted. He said thanks for seeing him, he couldn't stay long cuz he needed to go to work, and take care. I texted back and said what I couldn't tell him in person. I said I missed him so badly, I loved him so much, and that he should take care of himself and never give up. And that's how it ended.
I walked back to the office and I was still crying. I had to work at JG for a bit in an empty training room for a bit because I was still so distraught that I'd break down into tears every few minutes. It took me a few hours before I was OK again.
Although I was apprehensive at first, I'm glad I decided to see him. Somehow a few things got resolved, even if we didn't get to talk about the stuff that had happened to us. Still, it was a sad to have all the memories flash back in the silence between us, and it was sad to finally realize that I missed him and that somehow he missed me too.
The Promise
Martin Nievera
Say goodbye
When I can barely say goodnight
If I can hardly take my eyes from yours
How far can I go?
Walk away
The thought would never cross my mind
I couldn't turn my back on Spring or Fall
Your smile least of all
When I say always
I mean forever
I trust tomorrow as much as today
I am not afraid to say I love you
But I promise you
I'll never say goodbye
We're dancers
On a crowded floor
while other dancers leave from song to song
Our music goes on
On and on
And if I never leave your arms
I really would have traveled everywhere
For my world is there
When I say always
I mean forever
I trust tomorrow as much today
I am not afraid to say I love you
And I promise you
I'll never say goodbye
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