You don't mean nothing at all to me...

It's been 2 years since the last time I updated this blog. The last time I updated this blog, I was still single, and jaded with my lovelife. A few months later I met Vince, gave up being a slut, and, since I didn't feel the need to sleep around anymore, this blog kind of died. Sadly, my sex life kind of died with it.

Vince got really sick last year, and his heart condition really went from bad to worse, and so sex is pretty much the last thing on his mind (understandly). Not mention that he's forever busy with school, work, friends... Don't get me wrong. I love Vince a lot... but I miss having regular sex. And yes, I'll admit it, I miss sleeping around. I miss the feeling of having sex with a guy for the first time. I miss getting fucked by total strangers.

I've always said that I'll never cheat on Vince, but at the same time I've come close a few times. There was Carlo, who I would have slept with if only he had asked. There was Rocky, who never really said anything, but was drop dead gorgeous, and who I would have said yes to as well if only he had asked. And of course there was the guy from the MRT, and that was the closest I've ever coming to cheating with Vince.

It was rush hour and I was on my way home on the MRT. Naturally it was jam-packed, and I found myself with my back against some guy. At first it wasn't really anything weird, but I did notice that the guy's dick was kinda big. It just nice having someone's dick against my butt, since it had been so long since that last happened. I was pretending not to feel it, and so at first it was nothing. But then I felt the guy rub against my butt. I thought it was just a mistake, but then I felt his hand pull my waist in a bit, and he started discreetly pumping. I was wondering if anyone could see what we were doing, since the train was full, but even the person who was up against us didn't change his expression. I felt the guy get harder, and he really was big. I was so turned on. Even when there was more space on the train, I didn't move away from him, and he didn't move away from me. Then he stopped pumping. I missed my station. I thought he'd ask me to go somewhere with him, but he didn't. So I got off the train, and that was the end of that.

I guess you could call that cheating. I didn't feel totally bad about it though. A bit, but not much. I guess I'm just tired of the situation I'm in with Vince. My other blog has the details. But in any case, as much as possible, I will still try not to cheat on Vince. It's hard not to, but I will try.

My favorite song at the moment is Nelly Furtado's "Say It Right". My interpretation of the song is that it's about a fling that was not supposed to mean anything, but about not helping feeling that there could be something more to being with that person. It's exactly how I used to feel with some of the men I was with. So now I think about it, I guess sleeping around isn't such a great idea...


"Say It Right"
Nelly Furtado

In the day in the night say it all say it right
You either got it or you don't you either stand or you fall
When your will is broken when it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking there's a hole in the plan

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
Do you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show you tonite you tonite

From my hands I could give you something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?